Harry Potter and the Hat
by Children Follow the Dream
Summary: Why do blacks...Why do whites....? Harry, is it...is cocaine? "No," she said. "The call of paradise in a revolutionary world. GOATS AND MONKEYS, I say." When is Muhammed coming back? Ron started, "It's blacks. I'm sure. They steal lots of cars." Rated T.


Suddenly, Harry heard a sound and he whooshed. Then he turned around.

"Hey, Potter, you forgot your hat?" asked Hermione and she gave him a puppy. "Merry Christmas by the way."

"Thanks." Harry took the puppy and pet its fur. It was a German Sheppard.

The puppy was a…_German Sheppard……_ Harry thought for a while and pet the puppy again. It barked at him and grew up into a dog. Ruff ruff.

"See?" said Hermione and she handed him his hat.

"Whoa." Harry stepped over the vomit, trying his best not to look at…. "_Whoa," _said Harry again.

Then, they started knocking at the door, knock…knock…knock….Ron answered the door and scowled. Then he turned around and opened it again. "Hello, mum!"

"Why hello, Ron!"

They at breakfast together, just the two of them. Ron and his mum, breakfast, just the two of them.

"By George what is that SMELL, Harry!?"

"Hermione, where's my hat?" asked Harry. He ignored her.

An airplane flew overhead, carrying a famous celebrity from Iraq. Harry barely heard it. The vomit was gone now, replaced by powder. The puppy was a German Sheppard, never for….never…. "Harry, your hat!?" asked Hermione and she jumped back from the table. Harry extinguished the fire, but slipped in the powder.

"See what I'm talkin' about?" asked Hermione again. "The _puppy…._It's a _German Shepp_ard."

"Yes, I know that, Hermione!" he snapped, putting on your hat. "But what will we do?"

"Hey? Dumbledore's going to Germany, wanna come?"

"Not now!" said the German Sheppard "I'm looking for my hat, ruff! RUFF!"

"Whoa, whoa, don't get all pissy, man…." Ron grumbled and went upstairs where Harry was. "Expelliarmus!" he shouted out loud, whispering to himself. "I think I found her…"

Then, the plane crashed and the vomit was everywhere. Harry brushed his teeth and took a bath. Hermione began to shoot at the cans, at the _cans. _And then, hobos. Oh, the hobos.

__

In the guild, where waterfalls ran like urine from an infected bladder, she slept. And he watched her. Fawning over the library, he stole her bracelet and she woke up and said "My bracelet!" but it was too late because he had already eaten it.

Hermione shot one hobo, two hobos, three hobos, then a can. "Dam," she said. "Damn. Dam." White people don't wear suits to funerals? Really? She shot again, but she heard Harry calling her.

"Hey! The show's on!" But it was cancelled. She ignored him and shot, shooting, _four hobos, five hobos, six….._hobos. "Hermione, the show's on! Get your scrawny a-word in here!" But he just wants to have sex like Billy Bob Thorton and Halley Berry in that movie, she thought, but it was too late.

"YARGH!" screamed the hobo and he jumped from the window at Hermione…She screamed and closed her eyes, screaming.

__

In that same guild….

"Get off me you hobo menace! You guttersnipe revolutionary!"

__

In that guild, where the urine was infected. She did not

slept _, but she was sleeping, then awoke. He killed her and she slept forever. In Heaven, she was not sleeping or doing not-sleeping because she was in Hell, neither sleeping or not-sleeping either. She was awake. _

"No! I love you, Hermione!" And he shot her. But she shot him, too, so the hobo died.

"Hermione! The show's on! Aw…now it's over….WHERE THE HELL'S MY HAT!?" Harry jumped out the window and saw that Hermione was dead. "Hey, Hermione, how come those black people...WHoa, you're dead!"

And he buried her_ just like they buried that girl at the guild. _

The next day, Harry was cooking in the kitchen. "Hey, Harry," said Hermione.

"Yeah?" he turned to look at her.

"Here's your hat."

"Thanks. Don't buy anything from Terry Goodkind."

"Ok," said Hermione.

"But why don't you like Russian women, Hermione?"

She turned around, her eyes squinting. She was angry, Hermione. "That's not true Harry....You liar....You revolutionary!"

"What?" asked Harry. "Who is your mother? You hate Russ**ia**n women, admit it!"

Hermione stared out the room to use the bathroom, then she returned and said: "I love Russian women, Harry. You know that."

"Did you wash your hands?"

"Ducks."

"Pineapples!" she retorted.

"Ducks are better than pineapples you retarded squarehound."

_This is why our marriage is not working out, doctor. _

The hobo watched them through his glasses, baking a pie. Smiling, he said, "**_I have Harry's hat. Uhaha...Uhaha! Uhaahahahahahahaha!_**


End file.
